too much stuff and all of it bad

I am glad you are home from the hospital, Jeane.

Glad you are back from the hospital, Jeane, and I hope everything will work out and they are able to make things all better for you soon

I am so glad you're home and feeling a bit better. I tried to call yesterday but you'd already left for home. Did the kitties give you a warm greeting at the door?

I'm sure the docs will figure it all out, at least then you'll know something about what you're dealing with. Just have to wait for all those test results to come back in and most likely also after you've seen the doc in Newark. I'm hoping and praying that one test comes back "negative" for cancer cells.
(((((((((((((((((STRONG HEALING VIBES)))))))))))))))))))

You know you have ALL our prayers, dear Jeane.

welp, made my appointments for two docs today...one is fri an done is a week from this weds. the weds one i have no problem getting to..the fri one is hard. if i have to go to Newark i'm gonna be in big trouble.
i weighed myself when i got up today and i'd lost 1.5 lbs since yesterday.i'm on two diuretic pills now and they don't seem to flush me as hard as the lasik did. but then i haven't been drinking much since i got home.
been eating boiled chicken thighs with tons of carrot and onion ...think i've got to cut back or ill turn into a carrot.
have to gather the paperwork together to find out if i can get any help with the bills. i don't even want to see those bills...i have a feeling one test is going to be more than i make in a year and all those days in the hospital the 'discouint health plan' i have pays only $250 of it...not "I pay $250 and they pay the rest...no...they just pay their piddly bit. i'm sure i'll be dead before i get these bills paid off.

as for salem. he is still with me...eat this morning but hasn't gotten up this evening to eat. i did give him cream cheese twice and his brown vitamin paste twice. its really just a matter of days..or time. but he's comfortable and seems happy...sleeping in the kitty pile. this morning i couldn't drag msyelf out of bed til afternoonbut he came and stretched out on me and stayed there for a while...and for a while befoe that he was laying next to me...just where i could reach out and touch him.

Glad you checked in. I'm glad Salem is holding his own. Don't know what else to say

well i think tomorrow will be the day i have to say goodbye. i've never had to make this decision..never had the life of anything in my hands like this before. but i haven't seen him eat at all or drink though i see him by the water bowl. he has had some vitamin paste from my finger and cream cheese twice but he's not even licking the gravy on the other stuff. i really think the lumps on his neck and behind his ears are making it hard or impossible to chew or swallow etc.
i just feel like i've had this giant wave wash over me and pull me under and i don't know if i want to come back up.

It's the hardest thing any of us ever have to do. We have to love them more than we want them. Almost unimaginable. My prayers, sister.

Suzzzz is right of course, but it doesn't make this any easier. My thoughts are with you, JB. Be strong.

My heart and prayers go out to you Jeane.

Jeane, this is a very hard decision. Only you can say if it's the right thing. Sometimes we need to give a gentle ending to our little friends. It's never easy. We've had to do this a few times, so I can imagine what you're going through. Our thoughts are with you.

Oh Jeane..I am so sorry.

You love Salem enough to know what is best for him.

I am so sorry Jeane, this is the hardest decision to ever have to make in your life. But it's made with what's best for them in mind, not what's best for us and our aching hearts. You know Salem best, and when he tells you it's time to go......I know you will do the right thing even though it breaks your heart. (((((((((((((((((((((((HUGE HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))) my thoughts and prayers are with you and the kitties Jeane.

Jeane, I'm thinking of you and sending you all my best vibes. I know how hard this is for you having had to go through it myself. And with your not feeling to well, it only makes it harder.
Remember, salem and the other departed rescue kitties will be waiting for you at the bridge, no matter how long it takes for you to finally join them- hopefully a long long time from now.

well salem went to the bridge just about 24 hrs ago.
tomorrow i go to the gastro specialist and hopefully will find out what exactly is wrong with me. and pray to God that they don't send me to the specialist in Newark cuz there is NO WAY i can find ANYONE to drive me there. nobody wants to drive into Newark ...esp not to stay there for however long i could be in there for tests.
the gastro doc said something Sat about just transferring me there....gawd, if i were in a hospital there i'd have nobody to bring me anything or see me at all. it was bad/sad enough being stuck someplace to close and only have one person come to see me.

I'm so sorry about Salem. You did your very best for him and now he's at peace. Sending good luck vibes your way now as you go for your tests.

I echo what Bobcat said. All my prayers for peace go with our dear Salem.

please guys think of me tomorrow afternoon. i go back to the gastro doc and find out what is going on. it could be a lot of scary things...i doin't hold out hope for somethging simple cuz they were too worried when iw as in the hospital. they wanted me to go to a specialist ihn Newark and i can't even do that..can't fiund anyone who is willing to drive me there

If I were there you'd have no problem with that Jeane, I'd go and wait for you.

My thoughts and prayers are with you today for many reasons. I am so sorry about Salem. He's now at peace with his siblings at the bridge, and you did the best for him throughout his life. Much more than most folks in your town would've done IMHO. ((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{GOOD LUCK AND HEALING VIBES, JEANE}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
I WILL BE THINKING OF YOU.
believe me, If I had a car I'd drive you there and stay while they did the tests.

well no real news about what is making my liver have cirrhosis. though was told,sort of in passing, that if they can't control what is happening i might need a transplant. i asked 'why would someone give one to someone like me?' but got no response. i don't think that people with no family,home or money are very high on the list.
also found out yesterday that i have a gall stone (i think he said 7mm? it was 7 something) which isn't big enough to get operated on for..but have to watch for pain etc. and a kidney stone (5mm i think he said) which is the same...its too big to pass though and too small to operate or whatever BUT if it causes pain i have to do somnething. i think its been there for a while, i'm pretty sure when the doc at the clinic said i had a sprained back i really had the kidney stone acting up cuz its in the exact same spot as where the pain was. i'm trying to eat and drink things that will help the gall bladder AND maybe make the kidney stone smaller...that on top of the way i'm eating for the liver.
on top of everything else, about an hour ago i was biting into something not hard at all with my FRONT teeth and my last molar on the bottom left side broke off. it had had a root canal so there's no pain except my tongue from the broken rough part that's still there. have to see if i can find a dentist and get an appointment..AND have to find out if its okay to even get whatever i need (novicane whatever) when i'm there. this was a shock cuz the tooth wasn't even loose! but i've been grinding my teeth a LOT i the past two weeks.
i said on FB that i expect my nose to fall off any day now...don't know what else could go wonky on me...its either my nose or eyes or hair that's about all that's not messed up already.

This is for Salem and the other Rescue Kitties that have gone before them.

"Unable are the loved to die.
For love is immortality" Emily Dickenson.

thought i could go to marta's dentist to get this tooth dug out but she said when you go in they want to do everything over a series of months and get your whole mouth in order. well i have no problem with that..but can't consider that expense. so now i've got to figure out what dentist to go to to get this chunk of tooth out before it gets infected or somethig..esh
started the paperwork on getting disability at work, just have to go to a website tomorrow and finish it up. AND you ohly get like 60% of your usual pay..but its better than nothing.

When it rains it pours huh Jeane? Life seems to work out that way for way too many people in here. Hang in there, we're here for you. Any leads on a ride to Newark to see that specialist?

Do you have a dental school nearby? The schools usually need people for their last-year students to work on, under the supervision of the teacher. They might fix that tooth without dictating the entire mouth get done, and the fees are usually a lot lower than a regular dentist.

If you need a transplant get on the list, you never know when a liver will match. Plenty of folks with no family or money have gotten one, the list goes solely by who needs one the worst and they go to the top of the list.

Also, can they do an ultrasonic treatment on the kidney stone and gallstone? That uses sound waves to break them up so they can be passed without resorting to surgery. It's an outpatient procedure so cheaper than being in the hospital to have it done. Just a thought.

Good luck on the disability paperwork, and with everything else......((((((((((((GOOD LUCK VIBES)))))))))))

psssst Sue: loved the quote.

Truly beautiful quote.

Jeane, a dental school is a great idea, but if you don't have that option, please consider telling that dental office (or whichever one you call next until you find one willing to work with you) EXACTLY what you told us. You're not there for restoration, you're there for, essentially, emergency care and can't afford anything else. Surely someone in the book will be willing to help you.